There is this curse a lot of us are lost in, and it is caring too much about what other people say and do. My life would be so much easier if i was living my own life only and not others’ lives worrying for them and trying to help them fix their shit. I wish I never cared. People never notice the hundreds of good things you do, especially for them. But they will always notice that one thing you did wrong or that one thing you didn’t do. I think that’s how the world is, nothing is really appreciated more than a mere pat on the back if you by chance did something very apparent to everyone around you. Other than that, if you do good deeds…they will always stay hidden. Can you really do something genuinely for someone and not go tell them “By the way, I did this and that for you” without being a douche? or a show off? My guess is you lost your deed’s value when you showed off doing it. So I think it’s best to do what’s right in the light or dark, just don’t be loud about it. Chances are it will be forgotten and taken for granted by others, but don’t forget there is a higher being that doesn’t forget or neglect any deeds done.
I think I’ll lose the love of my life because I care too much. I love too much. I give too much. I know I’m not a balanced person, but to me the way I set my priorities and whom I see valued I give them everything I have. Maybe caring too much is a good thing, maybe it’s rare to find…all I know is it’s painful all the time. My grandmother who is a racist and extremely judgmental person just called me about an hour ago telling me to immediately remove a political post from Facebook. I removed that post and decided I’ll remove every elderly family member I got on Facebook. I don’t need this drama, I got few personal problems and tons of others’ issues to bare. I just unfriended all my family and I do not give a damn anymore. Am I loosing that curse I had which might have been a rare feature? Is this a good path I’m taking? Should I battle all the shit this world gives me to maintain and nurture who I really am, which is a person who cares about everyone around them too much? Or do I allow this world to turn me to stone on the inside?
The Japanese say you have 3 masks: one you show the world, one for your best friends/family, and one you never show to anyone. I think I don’t have that third one. I think I’m a hybrid of the first and second. I don’t really have a reputation to go by with particular people to need to wear a mask to be approved by others. I guess I don’t really need that world mask because I don’t care about the world. Or maybe my family/friends are my world. All I know by now is that this is a cruel world and everything you do for yourself and others should be done for no one else’s gratitude but yourself. No will will ask about your journey, no one cares about your journey while they are already in theirs. No one will notice the hundreds of things you do for others, but they will definitely notice that one thing you don’t do. You know what’s worse…that one wrong thing you do becomes your label by others. Seems unfair only if you care what others think which you shouldn’t.
Pressure. The world puts pressure on all of us. People put pressure on you constantly. All that is all fine and dandy, the worst thing about it is you adding pressure to yourself. You see the world will never not give you shit. Same with people around you no matter who they are to you, shit is part of this world so if you draw breath you will get shit. If I were to calculate the ratios of pressure upheld, I’d say the world/others give you 1/4 pressure. You give yourself 3/4 pressure mostly psychological which you add. If the pressure you feel is 1/1 1 whole, what would you be if you removed the pressure you add upon yourself? That would leave just the world/others’ pressure which you can’t escape. Now imagine yourself that person who when confronted with the world and others you can only feel 1/4 of the pressure you would otherwise feel fully. How clear would your mind be to react intelligently and efficiently? How cal would your mental state be no matter the shit you’re in? How happy would your life turn out? I’m not telling you to not give events their weight and value, all I’m saying is the world knows the value of it’s shit and will deliver that value to you as we agreed 1/4 you can’t hide from. So don’t add your own 3/4 to that.
Maybe caring too much is that 3/4 unnecessary pressure you place on yourself unintentionally.