Take a Fruitful Deep Breath

Something weird I just noticed when I woke up this morning. It is how afraid I am. One of the things that really got me in love with someone was the idea that I’m afraid of society in general. Afraid they don’t hold value to me nor will they ever do. Afraid that they will always mean nothing to me. I sit among my friends, large groups, yet I’m all alone. I think being in love did that to me. Scorpios are pretty hardcore in any relationship and they always give 100%. That 100% is the most dangerous factor ever. That 100% lost me any type of feeling to the outside world, lost me all feeling towards everyone except her. I don’t feel happiness, I don’t feel enthusiasm, I don’t feel joy anymore. I feel like the world I am in is so empty, colorless, and valueless. I made her my world, and now she’s gone I’m lost in the abyss in between moving on and reality.

Lesson Learned: Never make anyone, other than yourself, your world.

I can’t sleep at night knowing she isn’t part of my future, knowing I have no purpose since I made her my purpose. The sad thing is she is probably doing great, especially with moving on. She probably even married now, and I do not mind that; on the contrary I hope her all happiness. I’m just sad and broken inside that I didn’t build what I planned for faster and more serious. I can honestly say that I did my best, but sometimes that’s not enough and you have to trust that if your best is not enough for someone; that someone is probably not for you. It’s very hard to move on with your life without particular motivation especially for emotional Scorpios such as myself. I can physically feel the gap she left in me. I can feel it with every fruitless breath I take. Every uninterested breath.

Who ever you are, where ever you are, I urge you to put yourself first in everything. If it seems greedy to you, well guess what greed is always for something that shouldn’t matter or isn’t really that necessary for you.

But in this case, your greed is for you…and how many you’s are out there?

Therefore this greed is necessary and for something very unique and rare…

You.

 

 

 

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