Dullness and Darkness.

The sarcastic symbolism that life gives you from long ago, hides itself only to reveal the sarcasm and irony behind it all when you are ready to see it only. My room was always a full and exact representation of myself. It was a space for storage of other’s junk. Other’s worries. Other’s pests and insects. Other’s past. And my room was always inviting of exactly that. It was a dull space. It was actually without light for 5 years, and I swear I haven’t noticed that absence of light and relief at all. I was actually in support of the dullness and darkness for within dullness and darkness there can be no expectation. No responsibility. No dynamic.

One of the biggest elements of my room is a huge window taking the space of half the largest wall in my room. The ironic symbolism was in that window all that time. When myself and my room were in dull mode, that wall was completely covered with a black out. Nothing goes in or out of that window. Of everything that happened to me this year, one of my first hungers was to take down that black out. What was behind it all this time that I wouldn’t reach? What was behind it all this time that I was so afraid of and comfy staying hidden from? To put it simply, everything I needed was behind that window. It wasn’t a need to travel far away, it wasn’t a need to blame Egypt for all my failures and travel to some other country, it wasn’t the responsibility I was always afraid to confront, and it was not the girl of my dreams.

I get this feeling rarely were I can actually feel the dopamine rushing out of my brain and in to my blood stream where I feel it pulse one body part at a time from the top of my body to my toes. The feeling refreshing, chilled a bit, and very comfy. A feeling you need to close your eyes for to feel the full effect without the distraction of mere life. That whole feeling is exactly what I felt when I took down that black out covering my window. Ironically my bed is exactly under that window which I had covered for so long I can’t remember. (Probably much more than 5 years) The view I was missing was breath taking, it made me remember how many blessings I had right in front of me yet I chose to cover it up completely and disregard. That view got me thinking that I need a goal, and that life is short so I better use what ever time I have left justly. Such a minor scenario can sometimes change the course of your life. You just need to see the irony and symbolism behind everything that’s common in your life or life style. What is God trying to tell you? For me, I got the message clearly: Staying still is the same as going backwards.

That window is now without any form of curtains that will completely cover its beauty nor render it inanimate. That window is my gate now. My gate to the whole world hidden behind it for so long. Such a perfect world to conquer. And the best thing is that anyone can conquer the world, you just need to have the right view which I just obtained clearly.

Life works in mysterious ways, the metaphor to this world I want to conquer is actually my world as in… myself. I’ve been hurt, I’ve felt severe physical and emotional pain before. I’ve experienced mind rape when it comes to love. I’ve tried to commit suicide through two different methods. I’m a Scorpio and that’s expected of me to with stand, survive, and some how find a way to move on when I’m ready and clear minded. So the time has come to conquer myself. Other call it being a “man”, I call it conquering the world, after all what is more important in this world than yourself? (Don’t you dare say the person you love, because once you turn someone else to your world you lose your path to your own world and get entwined in someone else’s path which has nothing to do with you. Keep in mind the world is a huge place to discover and develop, probably never ending till it’s last breath.)

Anyway… ah  window…. let’s talk some more about this window… basically it’s huge. It provides a clear and landscape view that seems endless. There are no objects on it’s eye level all the way until you see the Pyramids. Everything is below it, which kind of symbolizes the freedom and height I have but never noticed. The sky is the real element of this whole phenomenon. The sky is always clear and infinite both day and night. You can see the clouds moving also both day and night. The moon is always in my view and lighting my room as a reminder that there will always be my world out there for me to conquer. The breeze this window brings just instantly refreshes my bones, especially since it’s directly overlooking the Nile.

So what will this damn window help me with? Well for starters I think I should break free from Egyptian retardedness. Basically in Egypt, you have to be someone. But not yourself. Just someone. As someone you have to have very high prestige. You have to be a Doctor, Engineer, or Lawyer. Other than that you are no one. You in to any form of art?  PFFHAHAHAHAAA  Yeah, you’re a no body with no future here. Not because a future requires success or money, but in Egypt that’s just the way it is because apparently what people say about you in Egypt is and should always be your first priority to make sure it’s something accepted and elite. (#Sarcasm)     So yeah all that thinking just got thrown out of my huge window and I sit now typing this blog along side a dangerously huge open window inviting a 17 floor straight drop down to Earth. But there is no fear, there is pity. Pity that this huge window gives me an impressively wide view of a full 180 degrees of human life in front of my very eyes. I can see hundreds if not thousands of households. I would estimate my view is of about the width of a half kilometer and the length or front distance of at least 5 kilometers. Every light I see elevated is a household governed by Egyptian retardedness. Hence my pity.  I bet you anything a lot of these households are teenagers who decided to get married early on in life. Burrowed a lot of money. Sold their soul. Probably might not even be truly happy. And for sure, have expenses barely keeping them alive because they just had to have a kid within less than a year of marriage because that just what Egyptians around you especially your Egyptian family expect of you, or else YOU ARE NOT A MAN, or YOU ARE NOT A GOOD WIFE TO YOUR MAN ! But the beauty of my view through this window is that it is still the world, which you cannot possibly know everything about right now. That mystery is what will always make that world so interesting and never boring. To others I’m just sitting along my window thinking.

 

To me I’m building my world one view at a time.

Go… you’re world is waiting.

 

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